Love Locks Lost

My teal locks had grown unruly and so did my soul.  I yearned for change; I yearned for me.  The nights were silent, but inside I was screaming; gasping for air.  Eyes closed I saw myself drowning.  Lungs filled with water.  Grasping for the surface.  I grew up neat the ocean. An infinity for the sea, I never feared drowning as much as I should have.  But this drowning was foreign, different than I had never known.  The light slowly disappeared along with my passion, my excitement, and my life.  Darkness engulfed.  A loveless relationship, a falling out with myself and my partner.  A haircut was to be the declaration of me.  Breathing life back into my soul with a single snip.  As the hair fell to the ground, every strand a beat of a drum that grew louder and louder as boisterous as the woman I once loved and longed would return.  My burdens, my fears, my hate falling with such dedication and commitment.  I reclaimed myself.  As I gazed into the mirror I was no longer the shadow that sat down, for it was me again.  Little had I known that such a renaissance would mean sacrificing a love I believed to be true.  My partner, blinded by what little innocence remained within me whom I thought loved me, did not agree with such destruction of my flowing waves of teal and neither did his birther.  Lesbian haircut it was labeled; an embarrassment I was now.  Thrown out and residing in a hotel where the money for my future was lost in 5 minutes for a single bed and nights of endless thai delivery, pay per view, and hours of tearful regrets sitting beneath the cascade of luke warm water, I became lost.  I had to become lost to become found.  My Lesbian haircut led to a self discovery.  Led me back to me but also a new me.  Full of more love and passion than ever before.  And  now this once hated lesbian haircut has redeemed what parts of me I thought were lost in the abyss.


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